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OMG! You won’t believe the wild tale of this wacky greetings card…

28 Jan

Valentines Card with bins on

I don’t really have that much to say about this card. It was something I said that I thought was funny, so I made it into a card.
You can buy it here: Owain’s Gubbins
Thanks.
O.x

When I was a child I was convinced I was a werewolf…

25 Jan

I was born in 1982, the year of the dog, and I think that is – in part – to blame…
I had a fear of dogs, I would have recurring dreams about huge alsatians chasing me around a deserted church that I’d imagined existed on Claremont Road, Redruth.

redruth-cornwall-carn-brea
I was chased by a dog once, some friends of my sister had a greyhound – or maybe a whippet, or just a skinny dog – and it took an interest in me. I fled, the dog pursued, and we started doing laps around the small circular garden path out front of their house, and I’m sure that my Dad, sister and my sister’s friend just watched us complete circuit after circuit. I have no memory of how this pursuit ended, which leads me to wonder if it might have been a dream.
Dogs seemed to perk up as I walked by them, as if I had biscuits in my pocket (I may have), but in my imaginative youthful mind I thought it was either because I was secretly the (bar)king of the dogs, or because I was a werewolf…

david-naughton-an-american-werewolf-in-london
Though it may have been that they sensed my fear and thought it’d be fun to terrify me.
I can’t quite remember what my first exposure to the lycanthrope legend was, part of me likes to think that it was a cheeky, sneaky late night viewing of An American Werewolf In London, but, in actuality I’d imagine it was the children’s television show Woof!.

woof-childrens-tv-book
Regardless, sometimes when it was late and I was up I’d writhe around the front room pretending I was transforming into a werewolf, in much the same way David Naughton did as David Kessler in An American Werewolf In London (1981), and to a lesser extent Tom Everett Scott in Anthony Waller’s muddled sequel An American Werewolf In Paris (1997) that, for some reason, I have a guilty soft spot for.

an-american-werewolf-in-paris
This faux transformation would usually end with me scurrying upstairs on all fours to bed.
Since then I’ve managed to overcome my fear of dogs; probably because my Dad got a dog, so that foiled his plan to keep me out of the house. This has allowed me to discover a newfound appreciation for pooches, and I can see why people seem to like having them around, it was with this in mind that I created this Valentine’s Day card, available from my Etsy shop, exposing the truth kept secret in many a relationship about who might be the actual love of some people’s lives.

 

Thanks for reading!

 

Have you ever been convinced that you were another creature? Are you still convinced? If you could turn into any animal which one would you turn into and why? (I’d be a squirrel)

 

Owain. x

How Val Kilmer saved me from my thankless, dead-end job…

23 Jan

Hello you,

Around the year 2000 or 2001 I got a job working in a plastics factory in Redruth, Cornwall. My shift was midnight to 7am, my job was taking hot plastic lids – the kind used on a handy storage box around the home – and scraping off the jagged bits of plastic from around the edges. I had one glove to protect me from the hot plastic, and a strange little scraping tool. I worked on this machine alone, and that’s kind of how I’d like it.
What got me through those long nights working that job was – bizarrely – being able to run through the 1997 film version of The Saint starring Val Kilmer in my head.

val-kilmer-elisabeth-shue-the-saint-poster
I was a fan of the film when it came out a few years earlier, I was writing film reviews for my school paper and I think I gave it 9/10, which, in retrospect, was a bit too generous.
I think I’d become a bit of a Val Kilmer fan because he was in 1995’s Batman Forever – a film I was beyond excited about because I was a massive Jim Carrey fan – so he had a lot of residual goodwill left over from that.
Elisabeth Shue was his co-star in The Saint and I had something of a crush on her thanks to growing up with the film The Karate Kid (1984) and her amazing performance in Leaving Las Vegas (1995).

val-kilmer-elisabeth-shue-the-saint
It was also the season when Hollywood was really mining the retro television show caverns for all their worth, and with each movie update you got a funky remixed theme tune, and Orbital’s spin on the theme from The Saint was proudly in my CD collection: https://youtu.be/LCVuIsw78yA
I think I loved the film because it was pretty old-fashioned, it took its time to develop its characters and it was more of a romance than an action blockbuster, which, to be fair, was probably why it didn’t set the box office alight in 1997, where it finished 28th of the year behind such classics as Anaconda, Dante’s Peak, and Flubber.
Anyway, I discovered, whilst working in that plastics factory, that I pretty much knew the entirety of the film off by heart – having watched it an awful lot on VHS, it was the perfect casual romp for a rainy Sunday afternoon, and, to this day I can still rattle off a reasonably accurate renactment of the whole film and will do so for a small fee at birthdays, weddings and Olympic opening ceremonies (get in touch if you’d like to book a performance).

val-kilmer-the-saint-south-african
It’s full of such memorable scenes like the one where he’s a flirtatious old man, the one where he’s a flirtatious German with curly hair, the one where he’s a flirtatious South African traveller in leather trousers, and, of course, the one where he’s a flirtatious old cleaning lady*.

val-kilmer-the-saint-old-man
Also, the 1984 spoof (and box office flop) Top Secret starring Val Kilmer is one of the funniest films ever made. #FACT.
So, that’s kind of why I felt it my duty to celebrate the actor Val Kilmer with this Valentine’s Day card I made – that and it’s a really silly non-pun – which you can buy from my Etsy shop here: https://www.etsy.com/uk/shop/OwainsGubbins
Thanks for reading!
Also, what’s your favourite Val Kilmer film?
Owain. x

 

*Truth be told, this one doesn’t get much screen time to do any actual flirting, but if all his other disguises are anything to go by she’s probably pretty flirtatious.

Spooky Shenanigans

28 Oct

Hellooooooooooo!

 

It’s Halloween this Friday and Giant Burger are playing a ghoulish gig at Paper Dress Vintage in Shoreditch, alongside The Indelicates and Night Flowers.

Here’s the Facebook event page for those who like that sort of thing: https://www.facebook.com/events/777046239025318/?sid_reminder=4185645174132572160

 

Performing at Jester Jesters' Puppetry Night

Performing at Jester Jesters’ Puppetry Night

I’ve been doing a fair ol’ bit of stand-up lately, including a rather delightful puppetry themed night yesterday at Jester Jesters (hence Sooty) and I’ve got a lot of spots coming up before the year is through. Look at the Stand Up page for full listings.

 

Hopefully see you at something soon!

 

Owain. x

Rewind

20 Feb

Hello you!

Hope your 2014 is going well so far? Mine’s been jam-packed with all manner of nonsense.

I’ve been doing a fair few stand-up gigs, and you can see which ones are yet to come on the Stand Up page by clicking here.

The band also has some gigs coming up, and you can get a full run down of those at our website.

We’re going to be recording some new material soon and releasing it unto the world, which is a perfect time to give you a friendly poke and suggest you pick up a copy of our old 7-inch vinyl record Trapped in Egypt, which you can get here:

http://giantburger.bandcamp.com/album/trapped-in-egypt

I’ve also been writing, as always, and have popped a few short stories online since the year began which can all be read hither:

http://bubblesfromtheduckpond.blogspot.co.uk/

I hope you continue to have a lovely year and there’ll be more updates from me as, and when, things happen.

All the best!

O.xx

Stories For Homes Paperback Launched!

18 Dec
Stories For Homes book launch

Stories For Homes book launch (I’m on the far right)

Following on from the e-book version, the paperback of Stories For Homes has been released.

To celebrate there was a launch party at the Bookseller Crow in Crystal Palace, where I got a chance to meet a fair few of the other contributors to the book, alongside Sally Swingewood and Debi Alper who had the idea and created this wonderful anthology. Which, a mere twelve days after being printed, has raised over £1,500 for Shelter.

The book has become a Best Seller on Amazon’s anthology charts and I heartily implore you to pick up a copy, as all the proceeds will go to Shelter, which is a great charity helping those with housing issues.

Buy the paperback here!

Useless Talk

20 Feb

Morning all,

The charming chaps at Useless Talk contacted me way back when expressing their enjoyment of my Captain Neon films (the crazy fools!), and invited me to chat with them on their podcast about it… I was honoured and humbled, and very grateful to do so!

Thus I woke up at 8am after playing a gig with the band, somewhat hungover, and spoke to Mike and Bruce (all the way over the ocean in Los Angeles, it was midnight for them) and we talked of films, stand-up, ghosts, time travel and ventriloquism. You can hear my sleepy natter with them yonder:

http://uselesstalk.podomatic.com/entry/2013-02-19T12_37_30-08_00

Thanks guys for having me on the show!

Owain

Three types of writing…

14 Jan

Here’s some writing I’ve been scrawling as of late:

YOUNG WOMBS – MANSTRUATION

A piece for a friend’s blog, she asked me to provide the “male perspective on periods”.

BUBBLES FROM THE DUCKPOND

I’ve been quite productive on the short fiction front and regularly upload bits to this blogspot site. A few of them are older stories typed up from various notebooks, and I will continue to add old and new writing over the year.

PSYWORM: KINDLE EDITION

Back in 1999/2000 when myself and my friend Carl Morris were doing our A-Levels we procrastinated a lot on some fiction writing that wound up becoming a very strange book called ‘Psyworm’. This is the version that had a small publishing run back in 2006, now available for Kindle. It’s very odd, but a few people have told us it’s also very funny.

Hope you enjoy some, if not, all of that!

Owain

Some writing…

16 Oct

G’day,

 

A few bits of writing of different ilks…

 

A review of the film Ruby Sparks over at the Brighton & Hove Argus website HERE.

 

A tongue-in-cheek piece I contributed a little to for the blog Young Wombs HERE.

 

A bit of short fiction about time travel that I scribbled hastily HERE.

 

Enjoy,

 

Owain

Streamlining

8 Oct

I kept on thinking about streamlining, primarily because I thought it involved carpeting a riverbed, but now I have come to realise it means making it easier for people to find all the gumpf I do across the interwebs into one central location for your ‘enjoyment’, and for mine, mainly mine.

In short, I’ve decided to try and centralise years worth of free range internet ambling and battery-farm it up into one consistent cabbage patch that shall be the Clapham Junction of my online presence.  Hopefully this will be a beautifully efficient launchpad and not a terribly organised, smelly mess (like Clapham Junction*).

Thanks for stopping by!

Owain

*No offence Clapham Junciton, I think you’re great really…